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Emotions, Just My Thoughts

My Mantra For Tarlov Cysts

I want to share eight transcending words in a prayer.

As Jesus prayed.

 nevertheless not my will, but Thine, be done   Luke 22 42

 

The above prayer came from Jesus as he was in the garden before the betrayal.  How telling those words are.  They tell of a man who knows his fate and they tell of the agony of loss.  They are words that I have tried to adopt and make a framework as I endure in this life. 

 

Nevertheless means  “notwithstanding ”, or  “however ”,  even  “still ” and “yet ”.   Most telling it means: “in spite of my wishes, wants, actions ”.   What would that have to do with my life?   Take a thought I have a lot.   “I am healthy, but…”    It means exactly what it says.   I am healthy in the general sense, but there is a hidden unhealthiness that I have to contend with, and that I have no physical control over.   I can try to improve my physical being with diet and exercise.   But there are fragments that I cannot get to improve no matter how good or clean I eat.   Thus, in spite of all I try doing, somethings do not  improve, (lessened maybe, but not disappear).   Nevertheless, how am I accepting of the paradox?   Do I continue to pray?   Do I rant?   Do I blame?

 

Nevertheless not my ”,  brings us to the heart of the phrase – “my ”. Oh how telling  those two letters are as they form a word.   “My wishes.”   “My wants”!   “My body.”   Consider that not knowing the future, my  wishes and wants might become a harmful element in my  life.   How would I know if I do not  have the ability to see into the future?  

 

My ” means that I have some control of whatever is attached to the phrase.   My dress,”  meaning the dress belongs to me.   My  want is that you should come visit.”   Meaning that you should come visit with me, and because I want you to, you are in the wrong if you do not  do it.    “My ” also takes on authorship of the phrase.   If it is written, you wrote it; if it is said, you said it; if it is thought, you thought it.    “This is my  thoughts, wants, and desires!”   So, since there is no way for me to know my  future why do I not  turn it all over to the One Who Does?   In this prayer we have to rid ourselves of the need to make this journey all about the self.

 

The third word to examine, “not ”,  is stuck right in the middle of that phrase.   We all know that  not ”  means “no”.   It is an un-fun word.   “It’s not  my fault!”   “It’s not  my best day!”   “It’s not  that I don’t want to, but…”   “Not ” can bring on sadness and anger.   It means,  “I am not  getting my way”.   It means,  “I have no control”. 

 

It also is a word that can protect you.   “Do not  enter.”   “Do not eat.”  If we consider that it is there for our protection can we trust that?  Do we have faith that it takes the  my’  out of our choices or our results?   I choose to believe that it is written to protect me – if my actions do not  turn out as I had hoped or supposed.

 

That whole phrase makes it so personal.   So breath-taking;  so scary!   “Nevertheless not my ”!   I use it as a reminder that this body is only a vessel to borrow for my soul.   This body is on loan.  This body is mine to nourish, keep clean and care for; but it will only last until the soul is called to the immortal home. 

 

The phrase reminds us that we need to relax our control and step back from our wants and wishes.   We need to release the imaginary hold we have on choosing our outcomes.  Yes, “imaginary”  is a good word.

  

We can look at the phrase as:  “NEVERTHELESS not my ”;  “nevertheless NOT my ”;  or  “nevertheless not MY ”.   Accenting the word  “nevertheless ”;  the first can mean that I understand  “not my ”.   Accenting the word  “not ”  brings out anger in the phrase.   And the third accent brings selfishness into the phrase.   The first reinforces the prayer in the phrase.   It supports the acceptance. 

 

If I take the whole phrase of  “nevertheless not my”, I can open myself up to all sorts of acceptance.  Acceptance of understanding that some things we have no control over – whatever we choose to apply the phrase to.   Acceptance of the need to step back and see where the migration takes me. 

 

Remember the whole prayer?

  nevertheless not my will, but Thine, be done   Luke 22 42 

 

Another hard part to live is the  but Thine”. 

 

Again we have a word that means “exception”.   “But ”  leads us to understand there is a force of  ‘other than my ’ at play.   And it reduces the chance to question the  “will .   It gives us a  ‘merely ’ or a  ‘simply ’.   Meaning that all is not cut and dry.   There is a deeper detail that is behind a statement.   “But I can’t go outside ”,  tells us whomever is saying it means they have a reason; it is not simply  ‘not wanting to go outside ’.

 

Nevertheless not my will, but Thine ”  gives us two yet’s.   It could read,  “yet not my will, yet thine ”.   Or it could read  “despite not being my will, simply thine ”.   By putting two words that are so similar, it emphasizes that the person who prays or says the phrase is understanding and accepts  they need, will, or should do the other’s bidding.   It takes the need for control away and allows one to feel comfort in that their/the path is chosen or at least relinquished to the higher being.

 

Who is Thine ”?   What does  “thine ” mean?   Let me start with what that word means.   It is referring to a person whom the person is praying to or speaking with.   It is the opposite of  “my ”.   It shows us the  “Your ”.   “Thine ”  means,  “that which belongs to you.”   So who is the  “you ” ?   Well,  “you ” is not  my’,  so it is not  yourself. 

 

Once again we have a word that talks about possession.   They are possessing the  “nevertheless ”  in the  “ will ”.   So the  “will ”  that is to happen is belonging to  “Thine ”.   “Thine ”, is the One that knows an outcome before we use our free-will  and step out on a path.

 

Now let us talk  “will ”.   Here  “will ” can take on  “choice ”, “wishes”,  or  “purpose”.   If you use the term in reference to yourself you are using it as your choice or wish.   Simple example is in your last will  and testament after you are buried.   You are putting in those papers how you want your personal effects to be handled.  Save when you reference the  “Thine”, you are referring to a purpose or the other’s expectations.   Once again the prayer takes the  my  out of the final outcome.

 

 nevertheless not my will, but Thine, be done   Luke 22 42

 

I also use the prayer to remind myself to trust.   Yes, to trust that there is a purpose to this madness.  To have faith that I will not  be given more that I can handle.   To trust that the outcome is not  mine to control.   Yes, I have free-will, but I must ask for guidance with that free-will. 

 

If my road comes to a cross-road and my options are to turn right or left, which do I choose?   Do I pray about it first?   Do I go right, but long for the left?  Do I go left and do it with confidence?   Am I relinquishing my control and my will ?   Do I have faith in the “nevertheless not my ”?   How powerful eight words can be.   They test us.  They give us hope.  They give us understanding. 

nevertheless not my will, but Thine, be done   Luke 22 42

 

…….

Discussion

2 thoughts on “My Mantra For Tarlov Cysts

  1. Well written, yes it is His will.

    Like

    Posted by alenehischild | November 2, 2018, 11:27 pm

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