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Emotions, Journey, Medical Testing

01/29/2022 Update, Do Not Move

Hey, I just noticed I got the year right! Yep, it usually takes me a few months to write the new one.  Just a fun observation.  [I thought it was, anyway.]

Sooo,…. Today was the day for my MRI of brain and cervical areas of spine.  And my mantra today was, “I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry!”

You know if you have had one single MRI they tell you that movement will screw the thing up.  Some techs get down right nasty with their warning.  After all the questions on any metal and such, I finally lay on their balance-beam-sized table.  Since the brain was first, they had the head contraption a little lower than I am use to.  My neck was at an angle you just can’t easily swallow with.  Thus, I spent the entire heavy-metal- thumping test feeling like I was choking.  Mind you, the family doctor told me there was a growth on the thyroid that can cause this also.  Then don’t get me started on the whole “don’t move” bit.  During the brain part, the table/bed started shaking.  Ummmm, if I can’t move then why is the bed allowed?  At first I thought I was having a muscle spasm, but quickly realized that the movement was not me. 

I don’t know how you make it thru the tests?  I count the seconds each time the tech tells me how long for each view in a segment.  Two minutes?  One and two and three and four and five and so on.  Usually, the pitch will change and make me lose count.  And sometimes the sound will have a noise to it that makes me want to laugh.  Well, that helps the “do not move” ability.  But today, I had the ‘relieve the bladder’ feeling during the whole thing.  I had to do that before they let me on the table, lol.  Maybe the thought just got stuck in my head. 

Because the head was tilted at an odd angle for me, the arch in my back would not relax.  That resulted in me having to prop it up with an arm tucked under.  Lardy, I did not think about it going to sleep.  I had three sections of two, four, and two minutes left to go.  So, guess who’s upper back decided it did not give a flip about the ‘do not move’ order.  It gave several rumbles, and when I asked if it damaged the images, they said they did not think so.  Whew! 

We set the appointment up so that I would have a break between the MRI’s.  I was crying by the time I was pulled out of the tube.  They asked if I wanted to walk.  Ummmmm.  That would cause me to get upright on my feet, right?  Well, you have to feel said feet before you try to stand on them.  So, I just parked myself on that balance beam and did my stretches.  Then I gave them the ok for when we could continue. 

Back into the machine I go.  First, they did allow me to cushion my head better with a washcloth.  Here is a funny.  Please don’t get mad at me here.  When that basket contraption was placed over my face, with the washcloth under my head,  all I could think about was ……. “How does someone with a big head and a big nose survive this?” My nose was so close that the skin was being tickled by that guard.  I have an average sized nose,  so I could not even picture how my father would have been under that thing. 

Now on to the neck.  That one was pure agony.  I started out laughing at my thoughts, but that faded fast.  For this part they did not want me to put my arm under my back.  Fine by me.  But about half way thru I was like a live wire.  My hips started stinging, my tailbone area was on fire, and my middle back was giving little twinges.  When they finally pulled me out, the tech said she noticed it, but thinks it will be fine.  Well, I sure was not getting back in there to do it again.   I am laying completely on my back; they take away the head padding and the girl went to remove the pillow under my legs.  My goodness, how I did not scream I have no idea.  I did not have any feeling from the hips down that was normal.  My feet, nothing but pins and needles.  The lower back was completely frozen. She went to put my legs flat on the table and I got her stopped before there was a true scream.  Please, put my feet on the bed, not my legs!  I go to roll toward her and my body did its screaming.  Nope, can’t roll to the right, lets try the left.  A little better.  Now what?  Breathe, breathe; don’t cry; I will not cry; I am not crying!  By now I have two ladies trying to figure out how to help me.  Ummm, I don’t know how to help myself, much less how to tell someone how to help.  But with help I was able to lift my upper body to elbow height.  Rest; then one was at my back framing me, and the other gave me a hand to use to pull myself up.  Embarrassed to say I did groan and moan during this part.  Then I asked them to give me a moment to compose myself.  One of them goes for a wheelchair.  I still could not feel my feet so that chair was a blessing.  Do you know that I could not look at either lady?  It is like: if I don’t look at them or see them, then they can’t see me or my pain. 

Ah, once again getting wheeled to my car.  Yes, the chauffeur was there doing the driving.  I did not have my bed in the back, therefore I had to sit on my rear going home.  My day was not finished.  I had promised my daughter I would be fine and no problem going on an appointment with her.  Off to her house we go.  We did spend some time walking and that helped.  When I finally got my beautiful self home, I went directly to bed.  That is after taking a muscle relaxer.  Those things don’t do anything but make me drowsy.  But that was what my body needed.  Add the heating pad.   

It is close to midnight and that ‘nap’ I took stole my need for sleep.  Not really my ‘need’ but my ability to go to sleep.  Heck, if I get 2 to 3 hours of complete sleep this girl is doing good.  If I take something to try for 4 to 5 hours, I pay for it.  My body is jerking, stinging, and any other thing you can think of it doing to wake me up.  I have had one doctor ask how my sleep was getting on.  I told her that a good night was done in 3-hour segments.  She asked if I wanted something to take on occasion to help get longer segments.  My answer was that I was doing what my body needs, because if I went longer, the next day was miserable for me and my body.  She asked what I meant.  I answered with the honest truth.  The longer I sleep, the longer the body parts go to sleep; those body parts will then have to wake up.  Add with that, the longer it takes for me to function safely during the morning.  That also means the stronger my discomfort is all day, which could continue for several days.  I truly don’t think some doctors understand intractable pain.  I did have one doctor say they were amazed at how well I am able to live with what they personally could see in my body.  They asked if I had ever thought to give talks at support groups on how I deal with a life filled with ‘pain’.  I said I would think about it. 

I will post another update next week on the next set of MRI’s.  With that, may you find something you think is funny, and to heck with other people.  


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