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Daily Life, Emotions

06/17/2020 Update


Well, I was wondering when my body would “hate” me.  It started last night.  When I had issues getting up from my chair, I knew that I was in trouble.  I did not fall, but every nerve at the base of my spine decided it was time to remind me they exist.   There seemed to be a million bees back there.  So, I went and took an Amitriptyline then hit the sack.   [Not medical advice!]  Thus, today has been spent mostly in bed.  Man, that is not the way I wished to spend the day.  It was a very breezy day and the temps in the mid 70’s.  That is the type of day you want to spend doing sweaty yard work.  But no, my body decided it had had enough of me doing things like that.  I tried to walk out to the garden and all I could do was shuffle my feet.  Just walking on the uneven ground was causing my funny tailbone to refuse to play nice. 

I haven’t even had the ability to do the ever-famous Cleopatra pose.  But the effects of the Amitriptyline are still in me, and I seem to have to think twice as hard.  I have been out on the front porch some today.  Swinging is so soothing.  Then add my gospel music for comfort.   


The only thing I did yesterday was laundry.  It takes little exertion to do that chore when everything is on one floor.  The only problem is that the new house is not set up to safely do laundry.  That requires loading all those dirties in the car and going to the daughter’s home.    

Today I went to do my morning stroll to my raised bed garden.  I did fairly good managing the uneven ground and the toting of the water hose.  Then I went to the front porch for an hour or so.  This girl decided that she would gather the garden tools and try to tackle some of the uneven ground where the septic tank was installed.  I lasted about 30 minutes before my legs started refusing to hold me up.  Back inside I went and made a few phone calls.  Between pain and not getting the answers that I wanted I started crying. 

There are some things that I have learned about myself and that “P” word.  One is that when I need something done and do not get the reaction that I desperately need I get so frustrated with the world, as a whole, that I either rant out loud to the air or I cry.  Then sometimes my crying has no tears.  Yep, I can do the dry-eye-cry.  That frustrates me even more.  I mean if a good cry is what you need you want the works.  Puffy eyes, and runny nose.  But nope, I did even get that for my troubles. 

Another thing I have learned about myself is I have no “filter” to the honesty that comes out of my mouth.  Example.  I made two phone calls.  The first I had to leave a message.  The second one I got to talk to the contractor and he was no help.  [oh, don’t get me started on contractors!]  So, shortly after hanging up from him the second one returned my call.  Well, he was not much help either and I just unloaded on the man.  I told him of all the trouble we are having just getting contractors to come to the house, much less give us and estimate, and worst is tying them down to a timeline.  And I was crying through all this.  I also explained that I was living in pain, the uneven floors, not being able to get in and out of a shower safely was adding to my problems.   I asked him what the problem with telling someone out-right if you are not interested in taking a project, and if you are interested why are contractors so willy-nilly that they cannot run their business on a timely manner?  I told him that I was sorry but I would just like to hang my clothing in a closet and I can’t even find anyone willing to hang a few pieces of sheet-rock!   I even went as far as to tell him I would do the demo if someone would just guide me.  So that maybe the next contractor that looks at the project would find out what is under the flooring of the rooms that need remodeled.  This man then promised to call again on Monday and set up an appointment to come to the house and then guide me in demo-ing the floors just to explore what was under them.   He also said he would see if any of his trades would want to come on weekends and possibly do some of the small projects that need done.  But he seems to think the earliest any would be available is after July the fourth.  Heck, at this rate the children will inherit all the undone remodeling. 

If you are reading this blog just for fun, then take a moment to consider that those of us, that deal with the “P” word daily, may tell you life like it is.  Accept their honesty, accept they need to ‘unload,’ then step up to see if you can do something to help with what they are having problems with.  There is not too much that can upset a chronic pain patient more that not getting things accomplished.  We are smart enough to know we cannot do what is needing done, but we are willing to hire someone else to do it.  And if you are in a service industry please see that you are honest with the person.  If you do not want to do the project have the guts to say so, and then be kind enough to help the patient find someone who would be willing to take the project on.   

Tomorrow morning the crew is suppose to be back to start the installing of the floor beams.  I have not heard a confirmation from them as of yet.  At this moment, if my mood does not improve, I will give them a rant if they do not show up.  I have had several people suggest that I should have done this move and the remodel on a you tube channel.  Oh, no, I wouldn’t want people to see the ‘real’ me.  Besides, that might require me to crawl under the housed to show what is being done down there.  A proper Cleopatra does not show herself to be anything other than being in control.   Believe me, my posts are toned down. 



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