As I continue this #ChronicallyIllAndThankful I am choosing “Growth in my Faith”. Sounds simple enough, right? But the ultra-religious people will ask if I should not have already had faith and that maybe it wasn’t so great before the disease. They are probably right. But first, remember this is about how my illness has allowed me to be grateful for my faith. So maybe I can add grateful for the growth in my faith.
Huuummm, Explain please. First, I had faith in my ever-lasting home, salvation, etc, But I didn’t have that faith as a part of every breath I take. My faith was there, no question, but I had not gotten to the place I am now, and I do expect to grow more.
I feel the closeness of the Holy Spirit more. I feel that He whispers to me that, “hey, girl, you can do this”. When things get so bad that I have the urge to cry, I know to listen to gospel music. I have my short little prayers that I say. These prayers are mainly for thanks and some for comfort. And I pray for more knowledge.
But most important is the comfort that I would have never had if I had not been given this disease. By comfort I mean the comfort of knowing. Knowing that no matter what is going on in this body He is with me always. Comfort in knowing there is a reason why. Comfort in knowing He would not give me more than He knows I can handle with His help.
So, if I had not become a Tarlov Cyst disease individual, we call ourselves “cysters”, I would have been a lukewarm believer. This rare disease shares chronic pain as a symptom. If I did not have a faith system in place, I do not know how I would have made it this far. Each day can make you want to scream “why me”, but I know there is a reason for the why’s. This disease has made my faith “chronic”. I am chronically seeking wisdom, comfort, charity, and most of all grace.
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